Emily's Journal

samuelthetiger (7:31:18 AM): emily letter collector
STOPDROPEMILY (7:32:33 AM): yes?
samuelthetiger (7:33:08 AM): i fucked up
samuelthetiger (7:33:15 AM): rea;;y rea;;y bad
STOPDROPEMILY (7:33:46 AM): what did you do?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:35:14 AM): sam? what did you do?
samuelthetiger (7:37:14 AM): i took too much
STOPDROPEMILY (7:37:28 AM): ohmigod
STOPDROPEMILY (7:37:35 AM): call nine one one
STOPDROPEMILY (7:37:37 AM): now
samuelthetiger (7:37:44 AM): i cant
STOPDROPEMILY (7:37:45 AM): why not?
samuelthetiger (7:38:06 AM): if i go they pump my stomach and ill end up in rehab
samuelthetiger (7:38:12 AM): i cant go to rehab again
samuelthetiger (7:38:26 AM): i wont get my trust fund and my sister will never forgive me
STOPDROPEMILY (7:38:35 AM): sam sam
STOPDROPEMILY (7:38:41 AM): please
STOPDROPEMILY (7:38:47 AM): get help
STOPDROPEMILY (7:38:52 AM): i dont want you to die
samuelthetiger (7:38:58 AM): ill just bike it off or something
samuelthetiger (7:39:04 AM): i got kicked out
samuelthetiger (7:39:11 AM): and my girlfriend broke up wtih me
STOPDROPEMILY (7:39:16 AM): sam no no no
STOPDROPEMILY (7:39:19 AM): what did you take?
samuelthetiger (7:39:33 AM): i dont know
STOPDROPEMILY (7:39:37 AM): oh god
STOPDROPEMILY (7:39:39 AM): please sam
samuelthetiger (7:39:43 AM): i just took all of mikes stash
STOPDROPEMILY (7:39:45 AM): go get help
STOPDROPEMILY (7:39:49 AM): please
samuelthetiger (7:39:51 AM): dont call me sam
samuelthetiger (7:39:56 AM): i hate it when peopl call me that
STOPDROPEMILY (7:39:59 AM): samuel
samuelthetiger (7:40:03 AM): i feel like im 12 again
samuelthetiger (7:40:09 AM): now you sound like my dad
STOPDROPEMILY (7:40:14 AM): you.
samuelthetiger (7:40:18 AM): im going to be fine
STOPDROPEMILY (7:40:23 AM): how do you know?
samuelthetiger (7:40:28 AM): ill bike it off
STOPDROPEMILY (7:40:38 AM): you can't just bike something off
samuelthetiger (7:41:08 AM): i have berore
STOPDROPEMILY (7:41:27 AM): i dont know what to do or to tell you
samuelthetiger (7:41:37 AM): i'm a fuck up
samuelthetiger (7:41:42 AM): the things you said are right
STOPDROPEMILY (7:41:42 AM): no
STOPDROPEMILY (7:41:47 AM): no no no
samuelthetiger (7:41:50 AM): im going to waste my life again
samuelthetiger (7:41:51 AM): or more
STOPDROPEMILY (7:41:55 AM): i lied
STOPDROPEMILY (7:41:58 AM): stop
samuelthetiger (7:42:42 AM): you didnt lie to me. you were right. im a fuck up. i dont do anything but work and uck around. i dropped out of college because i was scared that i wouldnt b good at what i wanted to do.
samuelthetiger (7:44:28 AM): i shouldt have told rebecca i wanted to break up with her. i shouldnt sleep iwht laura lee. i just do because it makes us both miserable and all ive ever known is being miserable.i cant be with rebecca because she treats me better than i deserve. but i want her and i want us.
STOPDROPEMILY (7:45:03 AM): please, get help. something
STOPDROPEMILY (7:45:11 AM): i dont think you can bike this off
samuelthetiger (7:45:16 AM): no
samuelthetiger (7:45:20 AM): im going o t be iine
STOPDROPEMILY (7:45:23 AM): how do you know?
samuelthetiger (7:45:34 AM): i used to be a drug dealer
samuelthetiger (7:45:38 AM): i kow these thigns
STOPDROPEMILY (7:45:43 AM): god, please be right.
STOPDROPEMILY (7:45:50 AM): i'm scared
STOPDROPEMILY (7:45:52 AM): for you
samuelthetiger (7:46:00 AM): dont be
samuelthetiger (7:46:02 AM): ill be fine
STOPDROPEMILY (7:46:05 AM): promise me
samuelthetiger (7:46:07 AM): i just need to sleep this all of
STOPDROPEMILY (7:46:16 AM): swear to me you'll be ok
STOPDROPEMILY (7:46:30 AM): check your pulse. count the beats for six seconds
STOPDROPEMILY (7:46:33 AM): tell me what it is
samuelthetiger (7:46:50 AM): wow
samuelthetiger (7:46:53 AM): its fast
samuelthetiger (7:46:55 AM): real fast
STOPDROPEMILY (7:46:59 AM): oh my god. oh my god.
samuelthetiger (7:47:12 AM): whats your middle name?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:47:15 AM): elizabeth
samuelthetiger (7:47:20 AM): really?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:47:19 AM): yep
samuelthetiger (7:47:25 AM): i like that name a lot
STOPDROPEMILY (7:47:25 AM): emily elizabeth
samuelthetiger (7:47:36 AM): all the elizabeths ive ever known are nice
samuelthetiger (7:47:51 AM): i hate my midlle name
samuelthetiger (7:47:57 AM): i want different
samuelthetiger (7:47:58 AM): one
STOPDROPEMILY (7:48:23 AM): please, please, please get help. something. where are you now?
samuelthetiger (7:48:52 AM): on the floor of the bathrom of junebug appartment
samuelthetiger (7:48:54 AM): or house
samuelthetiger (7:49:00 AM): she lives in a hwouse with her mome
samuelthetiger (7:49:07 AM): shes french and has huge breasts
STOPDROPEMILY (7:49:09 AM): tell junebug.
samuelthetiger (7:49:15 AM): my middle nam is ira
samuelthetiger (7:49:21 AM): samuel ira dano
samuelthetiger (7:49:24 AM): ?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:49:25 AM): i think that's a beautiful name.
STOPDROPEMILY (7:49:36 AM): tell junebug how much you took
samuelthetiger (7:49:42 AM): junebugs passed out
samuelthetiger (7:49:45 AM): she took more than me
samuelthetiger (7:49:50 AM): or maybe not
STOPDROPEMILY (7:49:50 AM): tell junebugs mom
samuelthetiger (7:49:55 AM): she did a lot oc coke though
STOPDROPEMILY (7:49:55 AM): soemone
samuelthetiger (7:49:59 AM): i cant shes in france
samuelthetiger (7:50:06 AM): i told laura
samuelthetiger (7:50:11 AM): but she told me she didnt care
samuelthetiger (7:50:18 AM): why are you up this early?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:50:21 AM): to get ready for church
samuelthetiger (7:50:30 AM): you knwo
samuelthetiger (7:50:32 AM): im jewish
STOPDROPEMILY (7:50:35 AM): you told me
samuelthetiger (7:50:51 AM): yeah, but i cant really be though because my moms not jewish
samuelthetiger (7:50:57 AM): just my adoptive gay dad
samuelthetiger (7:51:01 AM): so i dont count
samuelthetiger (7:51:05 AM): but i went to temple
samuelthetiger (7:51:10 AM): i felt kind o nice
STOPDROPEMILY (7:51:26 AM): please please dont die.
samuelthetiger (7:51:33 AM): im nt goint to die
samuelthetiger (7:51:34 AM): i dont think
samuelthetiger (7:51:50 AM): what ethnicity are you
samuelthetiger (7:51:52 AM): ?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:51:51 AM): white.
STOPDROPEMILY (7:51:55 AM): caucasian.
STOPDROPEMILY (7:51:57 AM): very pale
samuelthetiger (7:52:09 AM): so like scottish or irish or something?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:52:30 AM): scottish on dad's side, german on mom's
samuelthetiger (7:54:16 AM): im a quarter japanese, a quarter french, a quarter hawaiian and a quarter lebonese
samuelthetiger (7:54:36 AM): i guess
STOPDROPEMILY (7:54:45 AM): what are you gonna do now?
samuelthetiger (7:54:53 AM): slleeeeeeeeeep
samuelthetiger (7:54:59 AM): or do some more coke
samuelthetiger (7:55:01 AM): or take a shower
samuelthetiger (7:55:03 AM): or something
samuelthetiger (7:55:06 AM): i havent decided
STOPDROPEMILY (7:55:07 AM): no more coke
STOPDROPEMILY (7:55:10 AM): no more
STOPDROPEMILY (7:55:20 AM): shower, drink some water. not alcohol, water.
samuelthetiger (7:55:27 AM): i want to make music
samuelthetiger (7:55:33 AM): i want to play hte drusmms
samuelthetiger (7:55:43 AM): everybsdoys asleept hiogu
samuelthetiger (7:55:45 AM): wo
samuelthetiger (7:55:48 AM): whoa
samuelthetiger (7:55:57 AM): everybdosy asleep though
samuelthetiger (7:56:01 AM): thats what i meant
STOPDROPEMILY (7:56:06 AM): i dont care. i dont care about everybody.
STOPDROPEMILY (7:56:09 AM): i care about you
STOPDROPEMILY (7:56:13 AM): and i want you to be okay
samuelthetiger (7:56:28 AM): except for a couple of kids who are doing some vey dirty things to each other
samuelthetiger (7:56:43 AM): im fine
STOPDROPEMILY (7:56:50 AM): i dont know if i believe you
samuelthetiger (7:56:52 AM): i could gog join them
samuelthetiger (7:56:54 AM): haha
samuelthetiger (7:56:55 AM): ew
samuelthetiger (7:57:00 AM): im fine
samuelthetiger (7:57:03 AM): i'm fine
samuelthetiger (7:57:05 AM): for real
STOPDROPEMILY (7:57:18 AM): check your pulse for me again
samuelthetiger (7:57:46 AM): faster than before
samuelthetiger (7:57:48 AM): thats freaky
STOPDROPEMILY (7:57:50 AM): sam sam sam
STOPDROPEMILY (7:57:52 AM): no
STOPDROPEMILY (7:57:58 AM): i didnt call you that
STOPDROPEMILY (7:58:05 AM): please get help
STOPDROPEMILY (7:58:08 AM): i'm scared
samuelthetiger (7:59:05 AM): tonight rocket was on acid adn he cut his arm open so far i could see his bone
samuelthetiger (7:59:12 AM): ite was nasty
STOPDROPEMILY (7:59:12 AM): oh my god.
STOPDROPEMILY (7:59:24 AM): please, please get help.
samuelthetiger (7:59:32 AM): we tried to do it on me but i bleed too much
STOPDROPEMILY (7:59:35 AM): your sister will still love you
samuelthetiger (7:59:41 AM): i have hemophilia, did i tell you that?
STOPDROPEMILY (7:59:42 AM): yes
samuelthetiger (7:59:45 AM): i odnt think i did
STOPDROPEMILY (7:59:50 AM): you told me
samuelthetiger (7:59:55 AM): its gods curse you knwo
STOPDROPEMILY (7:59:56 AM): i remember
STOPDROPEMILY (8:00:06 AM): that's not true. please get help
samuelthetiger (8:00:10 AM): being epileptic and haveing hemophiliia
samuelthetiger (8:00:19 AM): he royally fcuked me
STOPDROPEMILY (8:00:31 AM): please please. i'm begging you
STOPDROPEMILY (8:00:34 AM): just get help
STOPDROPEMILY (8:00:40 AM): so we can go on our boat trip
STOPDROPEMILY (8:00:45 AM): and you can be the captain
STOPDROPEMILY (8:00:52 AM): and i can be first mate
samuelthetiger (8:00:55 AM): i mean i get one siezure and if i hit my head im bleeding internally
samuelthetiger (8:00:57 AM): not fair
STOPDROPEMILY (8:01:06 AM): no, it's not
samuelthetiger (8:01:14 AM): oh wel
STOPDROPEMILY (8:01:16 AM): please do something
STOPDROPEMILY (8:01:20 AM): i dunno, drink water
samuelthetiger (8:01:24 AM): i cant do anything
STOPDROPEMILY (8:01:26 AM): yes you can
samuelthetiger (8:01:32 AM): nooe
STOPDROPEMILY (8:01:35 AM): what about helping in africa?
STOPDROPEMILY (8:01:43 AM): what about the organic farms?
samuelthetiger (8:02:02 AM): i got kicked out of that program because laura lee told them i was a drug addcit
samuelthetiger (8:02:33 AM): thats why i started drinking again
STOPDROPEMILY (8:02:33 AM): i'm begging you. get help.
samuelthetiger (8:02:39 AM): cause i quit for awhile
samuelthetiger (8:02:46 AM): but i never stay on the bandwagon long
STOPDROPEMILY (8:02:48 AM): please
STOPDROPEMILY (8:02:57 AM): i'll do anything, just get help
samuelthetiger (8:03:12 AM): whats anything
samuelthetiger (8:03:15 AM): you live far away
STOPDROPEMILY (8:03:15 AM): i dont know. not like that
samuelthetiger (8:03:18 AM): youre younger than me
STOPDROPEMILY (8:03:20 AM): i'll find a way
samuelthetiger (8:03:25 AM): you have a boyfriend
STOPDROPEMILY (8:03:24 AM): i'll send you money
samuelthetiger (8:03:31 AM): i dont need money
STOPDROPEMILY (8:03:34 AM): i'll send you letters
samuelthetiger (8:03:38 AM): i have a hug e trustfunds
STOPDROPEMILY (8:03:40 AM): i'll draw you pictures
samuelthetiger (8:03:50 AM): my parents didnt love me but they sure left me a ton
STOPDROPEMILY (8:03:54 AM): i dont have a boyfriend
samuelthetiger (8:04:02 AM): yeah you od
samuelthetiger (8:04:05 AM): that kid
STOPDROPEMILY (8:04:07 AM): no
STOPDROPEMILY (8:04:12 AM): no no
STOPDROPEMILY (8:04:15 AM): dont do this
STOPDROPEMILY (8:04:19 AM): get help please
STOPDROPEMILY (8:04:22 AM): you're making me cry
samuelthetiger (8:04:37 AM): why would i meak you cry
samuelthetiger (8:04:39 AM): you dont even know me
STOPDROPEMILY (8:04:50 AM): i dont know, i'm so scared you're going to die
STOPDROPEMILY (8:05:02 AM): i care about you. i'd do anythign to stop this
STOPDROPEMILY (8:06:11 AM): i will, i'll love you, and send you letters and listen to what you think and i wont yell at you and i'll make you happy
samuelthetiger (8:06:26 AM): i dont want you to love me
samuelthetiger (8:06:28 AM): or write me
samuelthetiger (8:06:30 AM): or listen to me
samuelthetiger (8:06:33 AM): or make me happy
samuelthetiger (8:06:39 AM): youre too young for me
STOPDROPEMILY (8:06:44 AM): i want to be your friend
STOPDROPEMILY (8:06:48 AM): i want you to be ok
samuelthetiger (8:07:06 AM): im fine
samuelthetiger (8:07:09 AM): fiiiiiine
samuelthetiger (8:07:11 AM): i'm ine
samuelthetiger (8:07:12 AM): fine
STOPDROPEMILY (8:07:11 AM): no you're not
samuelthetiger (8:07:14 AM): feine
STOPDROPEMILY (8:07:25 AM): your pulse is high, your blood pressure is probably elevated
STOPDROPEMILY (8:07:36 AM): you could have an arythmia
STOPDROPEMILY (8:07:49 AM): or a stroke
samuelthetiger (8:08:13 AM): i had a stroke onece
samuelthetiger (8:08:16 AM): too much coke, ithink
samuelthetiger (8:08:20 AM): or maybe it was speed
samuelthetiger (8:08:21 AM): i dont remembers
samuelthetiger (8:08:24 AM): it was bad thouh
STOPDROPEMILY (8:08:22 AM): oh god. please
samuelthetiger (8:08:28 AM): i fel like i was going to die
STOPDROPEMILY (8:08:28 AM): can you move?
samuelthetiger (8:08:34 AM): yeah
samuelthetiger (8:08:42 AM): but theres no where to go
samuelthetiger (8:08:48 AM): everyoens asleep
STOPDROPEMILY (8:08:48 AM): go to the hospital
samuelthetiger (8:08:53 AM): and everything is closed
samuelthetiger (8:08:54 AM): dude
samuelthetiger (8:08:55 AM): i cant
samuelthetiger (8:08:58 AM): ill be so fucked
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:09 AM): no no no
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:11 AM): it'll be ok
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:16 AM): please just go
samuelthetiger (8:09:24 AM): today i was trying to get my skin off
samuelthetiger (8:09:33 AM): i kept digging at my writst but it didnt work
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:34 AM): oh my god please just get help
samuelthetiger (8:09:37 AM): i wanted to puill it off
samuelthetiger (8:09:44 AM): wait youre not listening
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:44 AM): i am
samuelthetiger (8:09:46 AM): nevermind
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:46 AM): your skin
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:49 AM): you wanted it off
STOPDROPEMILY (8:09:54 AM): and it wouldnt come off
samuelthetiger (8:10:04 AM): are you supposed to be whorshiping god somewhere
STOPDROPEMILY (8:10:06 AM): no
STOPDROPEMILY (8:10:09 AM): not for an hour
samuelthetiger (8:10:53 AM): yeah i was in th kitchen
samuelthetiger (8:10:59 AM): i was making out with laur alee
samuelthetiger (8:11:03 AM): and we did some more coke
samuelthetiger (8:11:08 AM): nd i just wanted to peel my skin off
samuelthetiger (8:11:15 AM): i just going this urge real fast
STOPDROPEMILY (8:11:22 AM): yes
samuelthetiger (8:11:28 AM): but i couldnt get it with my fingernails because it was too shot
samuelthetiger (8:11:30 AM): they were too short
samuelthetiger (8:11:41 AM): and so i asked laura but she wasnt talking anymore
samuelthetiger (8:11:48 AM): she was on h
samuelthetiger (8:11:54 AM): and she doesnt move when shes on that shit
samuelthetiger (8:12:03 AM): so iwe wre in the kitchen
samuelthetiger (8:12:07 AM): i said that didnt i
STOPDROPEMILY (8:12:16 AM): yes
STOPDROPEMILY (8:12:26 AM): but that's ok
samuelthetiger (8:12:30 AM): sitting on the floor because tis hot the closer to the ceiling you get
STOPDROPEMILY (8:12:36 AM): alright
samuelthetiger (8:12:45 AM): so we were close to thground where its cold
samuelthetiger (8:12:51 AM): and i had my shirt ofcf because i was hot
samuelthetiger (8:12:57 AM): ad i was sweating everywehre
STOPDROPEMILY (8:12:57 AM): yes, heat rises, the ground is cooler
samuelthetiger (8:13:05 AM): i just wanted my skin off
samuelthetiger (8:13:13 AM): so i dug or a while iwht my fingernails
samuelthetiger (8:13:24 AM): but they were just making is sort of bleed little dots
STOPDROPEMILY (8:13:24 AM): but it wouldnt come off.
samuelthetiger (8:13:30 AM): an d it wasnt enough
samuelthetiger (8:13:32 AM): right yeah
samuelthetiger (8:13:34 AM): it wouldnt
samuelthetiger (8:13:35 AM): anyway
samuelthetiger (8:13:46 AM): i looked around the kitchn for a long time or something
samuelthetiger (8:13:53 AM): and i found this cool tiny fork
STOPDROPEMILY (8:14:00 AM): for eating escargot
samuelthetiger (8:14:02 AM): june said it was for shellfish
samuelthetiger (8:14:07 AM): yeah i thinkso
STOPDROPEMILY (8:14:06 AM): or shellfish
STOPDROPEMILY (8:14:09 AM): yes
samuelthetiger (8:14:15 AM): anyway i used that
STOPDROPEMILY (8:14:19 AM): oh gosh
samuelthetiger (8:14:26 AM): it worksed for a while
samuelthetiger (8:14:35 AM): but then i staret bleeditn too much
samuelthetiger (8:14:43 AM): so i took a bunch o ff pills
samuelthetiger (8:14:50 AM): and this girl gave me head
samuelthetiger (8:14:52 AM): and now i mhere
STOPDROPEMILY (8:15:04 AM): oh dear
STOPDROPEMILY (8:15:13 AM): so you're on coke, pills, and anything else?
samuelthetiger (8:15:31 AM): i drank three fourties
samuelthetiger (8:15:37 AM): but i have fortitude
STOPDROPEMILY (8:15:40 AM): that's a lot
samuelthetiger (8:15:44 AM): i can still thinking pretty clearly
STOPDROPEMILY (8:15:44 AM): a lot
samuelthetiger (8:15:56 AM): like im talking to you
samuelthetiger (8:15:57 AM): right
STOPDROPEMILY (8:15:59 AM): right
samuelthetiger (8:16:09 AM): and had i not had said anything you probvably wouldnt have noticed
STOPDROPEMILY (8:16:49 AM): no, i probably wouldn't have
STOPDROPEMILY (8:16:56 AM): you're pretty coherent
STOPDROPEMILY (8:16:59 AM): but i'm still worried
STOPDROPEMILY (8:17:15 AM): do you know how much blood you lost?
samuelthetiger (8:17:28 AM): no
samuelthetiger (8:17:35 AM): i put a shirt around it
samuelthetiger (8:17:38 AM): ad tied
samuelthetiger (8:17:38 AM): it
STOPDROPEMILY (8:17:47 AM): ok
STOPDROPEMILY (8:17:58 AM): i'm really really worried
samuelthetiger (8:18:04 AM): why
samuelthetiger (8:18:05 AM): im ine
STOPDROPEMILY (8:18:14 AM): i dont know, because i cant see that you're fine
STOPDROPEMILY (8:19:01 AM): i need you to be ok